[This is the third installment in a series of posts based on great ideas, thoughts and inspirations we have read and collected on dating and that we have been trying to transmit to our teenagers and young adults since their pre-teen years]
Recently, I went to a fantastic talk about dating and marriage, given by my friend Pilar L.
These are some of the warning signs that they (and us!) have to be on the lookout for and what we should tell our kids in each case:
She made a great case about educating our children on the warning signs that they have to be on the lookout for when they are dating. These warning signs are caused by underlying issues that our sons or daughters are not equipped or be able to fix or resolve; issues that will most likely require professional assistance.
- Addictions. Any type of addiction like gambling, drinking, drugs, pornography; they are illnesses and require professional help. A 17 or 21 or 26 year old simply cannot not pull out another 17, 21 or 26 year old from an addiction. It is not his or her job to do it!
"The best that you can do is to end the relationship right away, no matter how painful it is. It is a fact that your boyfriend's or girlfriend's addiction will always come first, before them, their interest, and is not because that person doesn't love them, it is because he or she can't help it. Life is to short! Move on!"
- Disrespectful behavior. Bad language, bad words, bad behavior, propensity to get into fights, shows a pattern of disrespectful conduct that will most likely turn into worse behavior as life goes on. "You deserve a person that respects everybody and you in particular. If they don't respect others, they will most likely disrespect you."
- Lack of commitment and indecision. A girl or guy that starts with low self esteem that is evident in their lack of commitment, can't choose, can't take responsibilities for their actions. "You need a committed, decisive person by your side, that will help you and help you steer of your life and that of your children, you have to have a clear common North, guiding your own life on the right path to achieving your goals."
- The problematic person. There are people that always seem to have problems around them. Problems at school, problems at home, problems at work. That person needs to find a center in his/her own life to be able to form a partnership with another person. It is his/her time to seek professional help, fix his or her problem and move on. It is not your son or daughter's responsibility to fix something that she/him lacks the knowledge and time to do. "Life is to short to be dealing with their problems and trying to build a relationship... move on!"
- The controlling type. You know, the one that limits your freedom up to the point that you can't breath. "They are very dangerous, because they start with little things and, little by little, get to the point where he/she has to tell you what to wear, where to go, who your friends are, everything. He/she pulls you away from your family and friends, because his or her insecurities. Run away from these people. You cannot live in fear, there is no need or time for that."
Others in this series: