Monday, April 24, 2017

On Dating: Helping Our Children Find Mr. or Ms. Right - Part 5

[This is the fifth and final installment in a series of posts based on ideas, thoughts and inspirations we have read and collected on dating and that we have been trying to transmit to our teenagers and young adults since their pre-teen years]

The other's family will be your family...
It is very important to truly know his/her family, feel comfortable, loved and welcomed in his/her house, around his/her extended family, living and sharing their culture, food and traditions. You can get a good picture of how they are in a few weeks, you don't need years to find out that you are, or are not, meant to be for each other the rest of your lives.

Follow the right steps...
First meet the person, then talk about your and his/her life, show interest on the things he/she does, build a friendship, then create trust, understanding, sympathy. You then have a true relationship that allows you to share some more of your personal, intimate thoughts. After a prudent time, you commit and get engaged and then you seal that relationship for a lifetime with marriage, to love and serve him/her all of the days of your life. You share intimacy and have children, so they can be born on a place prepared to receive them, inside a family ready to take care of them.

Boys, be gentlemen...
Treat women with care, with respect. Don't send her by herself on an Uber or Lyft after a party for God's sake! Open the doors for her, bring her chocolates, flowers, surprise her.  Have good manners when eating and talking. Take good care of yourself, exercise, shower, perfume, deodorant - always! Admire your couple and never stop growing and learning as a person, feed your soul and pay attention to your spiritual growth. You should feel that she represents you, that the world stops when she arrives.

Girls, be ladies...
Demand respect and give respect, dress appropriately, laugh, be smart, take care of you appearance. Emphasize relationships based on the depth of a conversation, not only on the shallow base of the senses. Be elegant, move slowly, give the boys their place, admire your couple, be professional, keep growing and learning as a person, feed your soul and pay attention to your spiritual growth. You should feel that he represents you, that the world stops when he arrives.

Finally...
Life is short, so don't sell yourself cheap, aim high; you deserve the best and you are able to give the best and live a peaceful, joyful life, based on trust and respect.

Saturday, April 15, 2017

On Dating: Helping Our Children Find Mr. or Ms. Right - Part 4: Warning Signs too.

[This is the fourth installment in a series of posts based on great ideas, thoughts and inspirations we have read and collected on dating and that we have been trying to transmit to our teenagers and young adults since their pre-teen years]

In a previous entry, we had mentioned addictions, disrespectful behavior, lack of commitment and indecision and the controlling type, as warning signs. 

The following are other warning signs to be on the lookout for.  To be dosed out repeatedly, with prudence, and age appropriately:

The impulsive type, unable to have self-control in actions and reactions. He or she is with you in public and is not focused on you but on others; lacks commitment; is simply not capable to be in love and faithful to one single person. He or she is not interested in having a plan for life together, having goals together, grow together; not interested in your improvements during life. 

The one that lacks a relationship with God. He or she has to share your believes and traditions. He or she should be open to accompanying you in your believes and should not be an obstacle in your spiritual growth. He or she should help you be a better person, faithful to your religion; should be able to align forces in order to raise a coherent family. He or she should have visible virtues like generosity, order, responsibility, prudence, justice, faithfulness, temperance, fortitude.  "If you see your boyfriend making jokes about church members or traditions or if he or she mocks or disrespects your believes, sacred places or persons, these are all warning signs. You need to be able to pray by your husband's or wife's side in case of an illness, tragedy or moments of great joy."

The unfaithful.  He or she "loves you in his or her own way", is not ready to commit,  is unable to make sacrifices, is unable to let go of others and be exclusive. Likes you, has a good time with you, shares lots of stories with you, spends a great time with you, but is not ready to move forward. If he or she is unfaithful while being your boyfriend or girlfriend, it is more than likely, almost guaranteed, that they will be unfaithful during marriage. 

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Others in this series: 

Thursday, May 19, 2016

4th Grade is Over - Don't Panic, Make the Best of This Time!

Our fifth child, our youngest, is reaching the end of  the most beautiful school year: 4th grade -  where everything is magic, where they see their teachers and parents as super powerful and super heroes, where they feel the absolute security that everything around them is under control, that there is no need to be afraid, no need for money, no secrets kept, pure and absolute innocence and truthfulness. 

Fifth grade will be full of physical and hormonal changes, full of challenges, transitions. Girls will begin to be mean to each other, they will start with their little clicks, their friends will start hiding things, testing their power, feelings will be hurt, they will start to show inclination to like some kids more than others. 

To all our friends and readers with kids finishing 4th grade these days:

Enjoy time together, enjoy playing together, enjoy this last summer of pure innocence and joy,  of being a kid at its full potential and welcome the next stage in their lives.

Keep feeding them the healthiest foods and instilling the best habits, big ideas, hope, positive thoughts and an optimistic way of seeing life.  Keep guiding them on what is right and what is wrong,  let them help you when you cook or do chores, let them participate in all you do, make sure you know they know they are very important members in your family. 


Good luck!

Monday, February 29, 2016

On Dating: Helping Our Children Find Mr. or Ms. Right - Part 3: Warning Signs!

[This is the third installment in a series of posts based on great ideas, thoughts and inspirations we have read and collected on dating and that we have been trying to transmit to our teenagers and young adults since their pre-teen years]

Recently, I went to a fantastic talk about dating and marriage, given by my friend Pilar L.
These are some of the warning signs that they (and us!) have to be on the lookout for and what we should tell our kids in each case:
She made a great case about educating our children on the warning signs that they have to be on the lookout for when they are dating. These warning signs are caused by underlying issues that our sons or daughters are not equipped or be able to fix or resolve;  issues that will most likely require professional assistance. 

- Addictions. Any type of addiction like gambling, drinking, drugs, pornography; they are illnesses and require professional help.  A 17 or 21 or 26 year old  simply cannot not pull out another 17, 21 or 26 year old from an addiction. It is not his or her job to do it!
"The best that you can do is to end the relationship right away, no matter how painful it is. It is a fact that your boyfriend's or girlfriend's addiction will always come first, before them, their interest, and is not because that person doesn't love them, it is because he or she can't help it. Life is to short! Move on!"

- Disrespectful behavior. Bad language, bad words, bad behavior, propensity to get into fights, shows a pattern of disrespectful conduct that will most likely turn into worse behavior as life goes on. "You deserve a person that respects everybody and you in particular. If they don't respect others, they will most likely disrespect you."

- Lack of commitment and indecision.  A girl or guy that starts with low self esteem that is evident in their lack of commitment, can't choose, can't take responsibilities for their actions. "You need a committed, decisive person by your side, that will help you and help you steer of your life and that of your children, you have to have a clear common North, guiding your own life on the right path to achieving your goals."

- The problematic person. There are people that always seem to have problems around them. Problems at school, problems at home, problems at work. That person needs to find a center in his/her own life to be able to form a partnership with another person. It is his/her time to seek professional help, fix his or her problem and move on. It is not your son or daughter's responsibility to fix something that she/him lacks the knowledge and time to do. "Life is to short to be dealing with their problems and trying to build a relationship... move on!"

- The controlling type. You know, the one that limits your freedom up to the point that you can't breath. "They are very dangerous, because they start with little things and, little by little, get to the point where he/she has to tell you what to wear, where to go, who your friends are, everything. He/she pulls you away from your family and friends, because his or her insecurities. Run away from these people. You cannot live in fear, there is no need or time for that."

...more soon!

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Others in this series: 


Tuesday, February 16, 2016

On Dating: Helping Our Children Find Mr. or Ms. Right - Part 2

[This is the second installment in a series of posts based on great ideas, thoughts and inspirations we have read and collected on dating and that we have been trying to transmit to our teenagers and young adults since their pre-teen years]


Another couple of short speeches to be dosed out and repeated with prudence, but insistently and age appropriately:


"God has chosen who will be the perfect match for you since the beginning of time. He or she already exists, there is a mom and a dad preparing him or her for you. You will start dating soon and you should aim to find the one,  that only one, the one chosen for you."


"There are a lot of great people that you have met and that you will meet: fun, smart, gentle and kind; everybody has something that maybe catches your attention. In all cases you should always ask: Is this one the right one for me?  There is only one that will be the best fit for you, that matches your style, your upbringing, your values, that makes you laugh, that gives you joy, that brings you peace. Pay attention and aim as high as you can. You deserve the best of the best, so don't settle!"


More later...


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Others in this series:

Friday, January 29, 2016

On Dating: Helping Our Children Find Mr. or Ms. Right - Part 1

Some of our children have gone through high school and are now in college, and for a few years now we have been hearing: "Mom, I have a boyfriend" or "Dad,  I have a girlfriend." 

The first time we heard these words, our world stopped. We started asking ourselves if our kids knew what they were getting into; how important this step was in their process to becoming great adults, parents, husbands and wives. Did we teach them well to choose the right partner in life; the one with whom they will have a great, fun adventure, for the rest of their lives?

This is the first in a series of posts of our short speeches, based on great ideas, thoughts and inspirations we have read and collected on dating, that we have been trying to transmit to our teenagers and young adults, since they were in their pre-teen years.

-  "Dating is the most important (long or short term) job interview of your life. It is a process that if done correctly,  will lead you to choosing the person with whom you will want to spend the rest of your life; a person that will be the perfect mother or father for your children."

- "Since dating will lead you to make the most important decision of your life, it cannot involve only your hormones. You really need to use your head, your heart, your instincts, and pay a lot of attention to the warning signs that will tell you  "this one might not be the Mr. or Ms. Right for me."

More on the next post... 


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Other in this series: